The Tome of Bill (Book 7): The Wicked Dead Read online

  The others weren’t pleased at me, thinking I was blowing them off. I couldn’t blame them for that. After all, under any other circumstances, that’s exactly what I would’ve been doing. This time, however, I’d been deep in thought, mulling the possibility of...

  “I remember it all!”

  Sally’s cry caused my thoughts to scatter. Hope instantly filled me and I actually took a step toward the bedroom, bottle of Smirnoff Red in hand, before I stopped myself short. As much as I wanted to race to her side and confirm it to be true, I had to take care of one small bit of business first.

  * * *

  “What the fuck took you so long?” Sally asked, her tone betraying her irritation. “Were you out there playing with yourself? On second thought, don’t answer that.”

  “Sorry.” I stepped into her room and closed the door behind me.

  “Didn’t you hear what I said?”

  “Of course I did.” I smiled and crossed over to the side of the bed where she sat. “Tell me everything.”

  “I’d be happy to, but first...” She trailed off and lifted a hand, palm up.

  “Yes, Your Highness.” I handed her the now-full glass. “Will there be anything else?”

  “I’m good, for now, at least.”

  “Great. So what did you remember?”

  A smartass grin lit up her face. “Just that you were taking your sweet fucking time.”

  “Really?” I asked through gritted teeth. “That’s it?”

  “Yeah, but you know how these things go. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You need to have some patience.” She lifted the glass to her lips. “Being a little less gullible wouldn’t hurt either.”

  I stepped back as she took a sip. My timing was impeccable. She immediately drenched the spot where I’d been standing just a moment earlier with the spray from her mouth.

  “What the fuck?!” she cried, wiping her lips.

  “I’d say I have the less gullible part down just fine, wouldn’t you?” I ducked just as her glass sailed at me, missing and shattering against the wall instead. A few drops splattered my shirt, but it was worth it. “Oops, did I accidentally grab the vinegar instead of the vodka? Silly me. I’m always making that mistake.”

  She was up in a flash, eyes black and fangs descended. Normally, I’d have backed off. This time, though, I stood my ground, looking down at her despite knowing she wasn’t even remotely intimidated by my greater height.

  “Look at it this way. Obviously, I’m well versed in your shit. If that doesn’t prove we know each other, I don’t know what does.” I’d barely finished the sentence when I instinctively brought my hands down to block the knee that was incoming. “See?”

  To my surprise and relief, a ghost of a smile appeared on her face. “I guess I have been milking it a bit.”

  I held up a hand with my thumb and forefinger an inch apart. “Just a little.”

  All at once, the volume of her voice dropped, along with any attitude that had been in it. “I want to remember. Really I do.” She blinked, and her eyes turned back to their normal dazzling green. I looked into them and could sense the confusion, desperation, and false bravery radiating from within her.

  “I know, and believe me, I will do whatever I can...”

  The door opened and Christy appeared. “Everything okay in here? I thought I heard something breaking.”

  “Sally just had an accident with her glass.”

  “Yeah,” she replied, turning away from me, her attitude back in force. “I accidentally missed his head with it.”

  * * *

  Christy stepped out into the living room where I stood waiting for her. She put her hands on her hips and looked at me disapprovingly. “Really? Do you have to start with her?”

  “Me?”

  “Are you trying to tell me you didn’t?”

  “Well...”

  “I thought so.” She turned back toward her bedroom.

  “Wait.”

  “What, Bill? I’m tired.” She had dark circles under her eyes. Mucking around in Sally’s head, trying to undo the compulsion put there by Alex – quite possibly the strongest vampire on the planet – was difficult enough. That she was doing so while heavily pregnant was obviously adding extra strain.

  Sadly, if I had my way, it wasn’t going to get any easier for her.

  I’d been putting off this talk long enough, busy debating with myself the downsides of my considered endeavor. I knew deep down, though, no matter how long I hemmed and hawed over things, there was only one logical conclusion. It was time to stop pretending I had a choice.

  The chances of Sally getting her memories back before we were forced to act were almost nil. Without her full faculties, she was at a disadvantage, and we’d be heading north with enough of those as it was. It was time to add a few plusses to our column for a change – or so I hoped.

  I stepped away from Sally’s room and beckoned Christy to follow.

  She joined me with a sigh. “Listen, I’m sure this can wait until...”

  “How’s it going with her?” I asked in a whisper, hopefully low enough so prying ears couldn’t hear me.

  “You already know how it’s going. You were just in there. We’re uncovering bits and pieces, but it’s one big jigsaw puzzle.”

  “You are making progress, though, right?”

  Seeing that I wasn’t backing down, she nodded and lowered her voice to match mine. “Yes. It’s slow, but little by little, I’m making headway.”

  “So you know what you’re doing in there?” I raised a finger and pointed it to my temple.

  “That vampire did a job on her, but I’m no slouch when it comes to mind magic. But you know this already. I’ve told you as much.”

  “You’re right. Just double checking.”

  “Is that why we’re whispering?”

  “Not quite.” I stepped closer to her, my next words barely audible. “Could you do it to me?”

  “What?”

  “Could you go inside my mind and do the same thing?”

  “In theory, but you’re not missing any memories, so why would we even bother?”

  “You’re wrong,” I replied, taking a deep breath. Oh well, in for a penny. “I’m missing three months of my life. That doesn’t even count a big fight up in Canada and a battle with a bunch of Mongolian assassins, all of which are a blank for me.”

  For a moment, she looked confused, but then her eyes opened wide with understanding. “What are you asking me to do?”

  “We’re in a bad spot right now. We have the Draculas threatening us with their bullshit death sentence. We try to run and they’ll find us. The way forward might be even worse. There’s Vehron, all the vamps he’s swayed to his side, the Jahabich, and then there’s all that business with the White Mo...”

  She grabbed my arm, her grip surprisingly strong. “Don’t say it.”

  “Sorry, but it’s another X-factor ... one that I’m willing to bet won’t be in our favor.”

  She nodded, resigning herself to my point.

  “We have a lot stacked against us, and the hand we’re holding isn’t as strong as we’re trying to fool ourselves it is.”

  “So you think you ... he could...”

  “Let me finish. We both know there’s power inside of me, a lot of it. I don’t know if it’s enough to even the odds, but I’d be willing to bet it would go a long way toward doing so.”

  “But he’s a killer ... a monster.”

  “I know, and that’s why I need you. I want to go deep inside of myself and wake up Dr. Death, but not in the way he wants me to. I need your help to lobotomize the fucker, or whatever is the closest analogy. He’s too much of a loose cannon otherwise.”

  I looked her deep in the eye. She had once been my enemy, but she’d since become my ally – my friend. Now I needed her to go beyond even that. It was asking a lot for something that I wasn’t even sure was possible. I had to try, though.

  “We need his power, but I want y
ou to ensure that I’m in control this time.”

  WELCOME TO CRAZY TOWN

  I half expected Christy to freak out on me – to tell me I was a nutcase, that I was crazy to tempt fate. Hell, if she had fireballed my ass in an attempt to talk some sense into me, I wouldn’t have been half surprised.

  Instead, she took a deep breath, and asked, “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

  “I’m pretty sure we’re in some serious shit right now.”

  She nodded. “And it’s finally time we started shoveling it back in everyone else’s face.”

  For a moment, I stood there blinking stupidly. I had figured something like that would be my snarky response. Though no older than her boyfriend or me, oftentimes, Christy acted far more mature. Part of it was no doubt her impending parenthood. However, I suspected it also had to do with her upbringing as a witch.

  I got the distinct impression that during the years when I’d been busy learning the fine art of telling online death-match opponents how awesomely I’d fuck their mothers, she’d been immersed in deeper studies – learning the mysteries of the universe or some such bullshit. Sure, her mentor Harry Decker had been a prime filet of asshole mignon, but luckily, his crazy hadn’t rubbed off on her. Still, there was no denying that if any member of our group wouldn’t normally react to a situation like a foul-mouthed five-year-old, it was her.

  “Oh, don’t look at me like that. It’s true and you know it,” she finally replied. “You’re not the only one with multiple demons nipping at their heels. And you’re definitely not the only one...”

  She looked down for a moment, but then met my gaze again. “...facing the endgame. It’s close. I can feel it. The time for playing around is over. There are too many moving pieces, too many enemies and, quite frankly, I’m not sure there’s any place in this world left where we can afford to play it safe.”

  “Oh. Well, okay, then. So you’ll help me?”

  “Yes, but not right now.”

  I nodded in agreement. The sessions with Sally had exhausted her. At any other given point in time, she should have been worrying about baby names, hoarding diapers, and other such things that I’m sure expecting couples are supposed to do. Despite the dire circumstances, I couldn’t begrudge her a chance for something as small as a nap.

  “And you need to tell everyone else what you have planned,” she said.

  “Well...”

  “I’m the one who’s serious now, Bill. No more stupid secrets made under the guise of protecting someone else. That’s not going to help anyone if this goes bad, and we both know it.”

  I held up a hand. She didn’t need to elaborate. That was the very nightmare scenario that had kept me from pursuing this up until now. When Tom and Ed had first learned of my little Jekyll and Hyde issue, they’d been all over that shit – pestering me to learn how to control it. I hadn’t because I had a feeling that if anything went wrong, their blood would pay for it.

  Hell, that still might be the case.

  * * *

  “It’s about fucking time,” Tom said, crossing his arms before turning to Christy. “So what did you say to get him to stop pussing out?”

  “She didn’t say anything. It was my choice.”

  As requested, I’d waited for Christy to get some rest, then summoned everyone up to our apartment’s living room. If there were any bad reactions to my plan, I could always retreat to the safety of my bedroom.

  I let out a heavy sigh. No, the new me would face down my detractors. I’d look them in the eye and...

  I glanced up and caught Sheila staring at me pensively, then immediately averted my gaze. Okay, so I still needed a little practice with this new outlook on life.

  “Tom’s right,” Ed said. “If you’d have done this when we said to, then that whole bullshit with you running off and getting kidnapped to Switzerland would have gone down differently.”

  “That, or we wouldn’t be having this conversation because you’d all be dead,” Sheila countered from her spot next to Sally on our tattered love seat ... which, admittedly, hadn’t seen too much love as of late. “Don’t forget, you told me what happened after I got shot.”

  “I know, but don’t forget I heard it secondhand.”

  Both of them glanced toward Sally, who waved them off. “Don’t look at me. I don’t remember any of that. Honestly, I’m still having a hard time even believing it happened.”

  “Well, believe it. You were there.” I addressed the group again. “Sheila has a point. Even though it’s all a blank for me, I know in my gut I tore Remington to shreds. That wasn’t the worst of it either.” I visualized the cell back in Chillon Castle – all the broken bodies scattered about, thralls sacrificed to my darker half.

  I willed the images away with some effort. “That part of me is a monster, a rampaging hell-beast that likes nothing better than bathing in buckets of blood.”

  “How would one bathe in...?”

  I held up a hand to Tom. “I’m talking figuratively, numb nuts. I’m sure the rest of you get my point. The thing is, Dr. Death isn’t as mindless as we all thought.”

  “And you know this how?” Sally asked.

  “Because I had a conversation with him.”

  * * *

  I took a seat and explained to my suddenly attentive audience the internal dialogue I’d had back when I was Alex’s prisoner. It had been pretty weird experiencing it, but it was only slightly less odd telling them all of getting a knock on the door only to find a demonic, and somewhat assholish, version of myself staring back.

  When I finished, Ed asked, “And you’re sure you didn’t dream it?”

  “Pretty positive, especially since evil alternate Bill seemed to know the details of what had gone on in my life after I’d passed out. He also knew Alex would be waiting for me naked when I woke up.”

  Stunned silence met my inadvertent confession for a moment, until Sally commented, “All right, now this is getting good.”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “So Alexander was dressed?”

  “No.”

  “Why didn’t you tell us this part when you got back?” Tom asked, a shit-eating grin upon his face.

  “Don’t be an ass,” Ed said, coming to my rescue. “Obviously, some memories are best cherished in secret between lovers.”

  Or not.

  Tom, Ed, and Sally brayed laughter like a trio of jackasses. Sheila pretended to find something interesting on the wall while failing to suppress a smile. Only Christy kept a straight face, her look more one of exasperation, although whether for me or the peanut gallery, I wasn’t sure.

  “It’s not like that,” I said at last, trying to get us back on track. “He just wanted to wrestle.”

  Sally wiped tears from her eyes. “Oh, I bet he did.”

  Christy slammed her hand down on the table hard enough to get everyone’s attention. “That’s enough. We need to be serious about this.”

  The laughter subsided as all eyes turned to her.

  “That’s better. I just need to know one thing before you continue, Bill.”

  “What?”

  “Did Alexander caress your cheek and call you King Leonidas?”

  And once more, that set them off. Even Sheila didn’t bother to hide the laughter at my expense. As for me, all I could do was stare wide-eyed at Christy.

  She shrugged and gave me a half-smile. “Sorry. Tom made me watch 300 with him the other night. Guess I’ve been hanging around you guys a little too much.”

  * * *

  As things settled back down, Ed walked into our kitchen nook and grabbed some beers to pass around. Everyone, save Christy, accepted one and, by the look on her face, she was half tempted. Couldn’t say I blamed her. With the world on the brink of annihilation and certain doom only a couple of hundred miles north of us, the Surgeon General’s warnings could go take a flying fuck off the nearest skyscraper.

  Ed placed the extra on the coffee table and took his seat again. “
Gotta say, this whole internal debate thing is a bit weird. I never took you for the split personality type.”

  “It’s not all that strange,” Tom replied. “Bill plays with himself all the time, so talking isn’t too much of a stretch.”

  I was sorely tempted to chuck my bottle at him, but figured it would be a waste of perfectly good beer. Instead, I just glared at him. “I’m thinking you should be in the room when we wake up Dr. Death.”

  “No. I’m going to be in the room,” Sheila said. “For protection.” She had the barest of red color on her cheeks despite her serious tone. Maybe it was the beer she was drinking, or more likely Tom’s asshole comment.

  “He was just kidding about me playing with myself,” I stammered, once again unable to shake off old habits.

  She held up a hand. “I really didn’t need to know either way.”

  Slick one, Bill.

  “But I’m serious. I’m really not convinced this is a good idea, but if the group thinks you should go through with it, then we need to make sure precautions are taken.”

  “No argument there.”

  Her wish for precautions wasn’t surprising. I knew she considered that part of me a threat, a mad dog that might need to be put down. She was right to do so. I just hoped it didn’t come down to that – for both our sakes.

  “Well, I still think it’s shithouse crazy,” Sally chimed in, “but I’ll admit to being curious. I want to see what this big bad wolf looks like.”

  “You’ve already seen it.”

  “So people keep telling me.”

  “What do you think?” Sheila asked Christy.

  Christy took a moment to gather her thoughts. I saw the conflict in her eyes. Under normal circumstances, I’m fairly certain her answer would have been a definitive “Hell no!” But the stakes had recently been raised. Her entire belief system had come crashing down just days prior. The mentor of her people – the so-called White Mother – was, in actuality, tinged a different color by all the blood on her hands.

  Evidence suggested the White Mother was more a motherfucker – the creator of the Jahabich, unholy monsters made of stone and the enslaved souls of their vanquished enemies. Yeah, it had probably been a bit of a stressful week for the poor girl.